they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
