there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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