So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Randomize
