I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
