Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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