I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
