I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Boobs are out for the taking
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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