I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
