You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
