dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
