I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
