And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
