I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Someone shattered a urinal.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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