I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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