I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
