I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
