Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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