whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I need to sanitize my soul.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
