he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
