Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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