i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
