Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
