All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
