I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Small penises have feelings too.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
