Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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