i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
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