Can i not drive my cunt home
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
