$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
