it was like eating out sand paper
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
