Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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