its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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