i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
