Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
