I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
