worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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