the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
