Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
