Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
