you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
