bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
