I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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