about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
