I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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