I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
