Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
