im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
