if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
