oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
