That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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