if you like me you must not know who I am
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
