Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
