I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
