you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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